December Survival Guide : Top 25 Tips

Ok first thing first , something I truly believe : If a man doesnt work he shouldnt eat .
I don't mean work as in a "job"
I mean lazy , mama boys kinda man who are slobs and live of other family members and their precious parents. Man who don't even wash their own underwear , Man who don't even raise their own children . We all know them right , This guy doesnt even work but wears the best clothes and is always on the road driving to somewhere , ok let me stop ranting and get back to my December Survival Guide .

Lets break down some rules of engagement

1 He who doesn't buy alcohol does not drink "too much"
2 He who does not help with making the fire does not eat ( we must all take turns its a long holiday)
3 He who says he doesn't like standing next to the fire because he just took a bath will eat at his moms house
4 He who wants meat must " buy meat " and contribute towards the buying of meat
5 He who is drunk must go sleep in the car and stop making a fuss and causing trouble
6 He who comes with a girl must make sure she has her own drinks
7 He who does not have money may not bring his cousins and friends to a chillas
8 He who did not buy alcohol shall drink what is in the cooler box and not bitch that he only drinks certain brands
9 He who needs a lift must ask and not make assumptions
10 When its time to go home do like wise and get in the car let us go
11 When at a petrol station the passenger must try and pop out something (unless if we are very close friends lol )
12 He who needs to go pick up a girl in the next location must do something for the petrol tank
13 He who feels like throwing up must tell the driver and have the car stopped, step outside and relieve himself
14 He who asks to put a six in the cooler bag, when his six is finished must stop drinking or go and buy some more beverages
15 He who has money has first choice when it comes to the ladies
16 When it comes to mixing brandy/jin/vodka please do so evenly no more than double shots at a time (especially if you didn't buy )
17 When buying alcohol please do not stay in the car or pretend to be going to take a piss or getting a random phone call
18 When the driver is too drunk and insist on driving , as a passenger you have two options .  First just get in the car and hope for the best, Second get another lift home (but don't let him be aware that you're scared to drive with him)
19 Passenger etiquette, Ask the driver before you change the music
20 Passenger etiquette , When your phone battery dies, do not walk too far from the car ( uta siyiwa , you will get left behind )
21 Passenger etiquette , If you get another lift or have to leave immediately please inform the driver so he doesn't have to wait around for you in the middle of the night
22 Passenger etiquette , When drunk try not to tell the driver how to drive
23 Passenger etiquette , You are not a GPS so please unless asked for directions do not behave like one
24 Passenger etiquette , Try keep it clean , when you leave those cans and bottles on the floor you will find them in the same position the next day
25 Passenger etiquette , If you don't pay for a car instalment you do not have the right to bonk a lady at the back sit so keep your pants on

In all fairness lets just respect each other and have a great December Holiday and a Happy New Year.
Do unto others as you would have done to you.

Telling The Truth

In my life I have learned honesty is not always the best policy
People tell you they want you to be honest with them
They are lying
No one wants the truth
No one believes the truth
No one admires the truth
No one wants to hear the truth
We all say we want our loved ones to tell us the truth but we don't want that
We just want them to tell us what we think we want to hear
I believe if we told the truth some of us would be dead by now
That young lady you played a year ago would have had you 6 feet under by now

Hearts get broken all the time...

" How do I tell her I don't wanna be here anymore
Nothing she did I just don't feel like the way I used to feel before
Make no mistake I have no problem having you around , I mean you're cool and stuff
I just don't wanna be yours anymore "

In all aspects of life one thing remain constant : Change
Be in in our careers, relationships, finances etc it is inevitable for a degree of change to happen in your life , having to move due to a new job, having to sell your grandfathers old skorokoro to purchase a new model. But one thing that gets all of us is love
Finding it , losing it , love love love
So there I was thinking is there a difference between dating someone and loving someone

Just a thought is it possible you can date someone for a year or so and fall out all love with them but still keep them around because of fear of being alone. A devil you know is better than an angel right ?
It is said there is nothing new under the sun, nothing. All the things we do and we think they haven't been done before were done way before we were born. It is sad when instead of using things , people use other people . So on dating you see we under the impression that we might marry them but we know very well we ain't happy and there is probably no hope. On love when you feel that there is hope you then make a decision that you will love this person and hope for the best ?

If you cannot be with the one you love, love the one you are with. James Baldwin wrote, ‘You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive.’

20 Something

I often hear people say : Women mature quicker than Man.
That is why it is recommended that a man date a woman younger than them
Apparently we men, take our sweet time to be matured
And when I talk about maturity I am talking in response of starting a family. You know getting married and having a baby or two depending on how many little accidents you have, or if you have done proper family planning you will just have the avarage 2 kids
Hoping for a boy and a girl to balance the equation
The girl is for the mom and the boy is for the father, and when you get only girls or boys what happens then, maybe that's why I come from a big family, my parents kept on trying lol
In any case I thank them for my life back to "maturity"

When in school they put you in the same class with the same age of kids as you and it is highly possible to find a mixed class with boys and girls aged between lets say 18 and they are all in matric.
So we pass and off to college we go, having being used to dating girls our own age, then as in all things in life change happens
Hanging out with you and your boys playing video games the whole weekend is not enough anymore, she meets older more mature man who have been around and can show her some new things. The thing is even if you have enough money like the other old guys, the two of you just seem to have less and less things in common and so you guys separate and stay friends or start  hating each other, whatever.
Honestly when I got done with varsity and start making a bit of money I was not thinking about starting a family, no no sir I wanted to enjoy myself and "play" , the very same group of girls in my class that I came up with now want to start families and meet some late 20 something year old and life goes on.

On the other hand when I am an older 20 something I will be looking for a woman that was her age, a beautiful young 20 something year old or I will be hitched to the same girl now because of her maturity would have won against my " sweet time to be matured " . Women do everything their mothers do, and man do everything their fathers do. Honestly I don't know how to finish this one so if you have something on your mind that you would like to share feel free.

The first cut is the deepest

As I look back in my life
In all the warm soft bosoms of all the woman I have had in my existence in this beautiful world
I look upon such as a great mystery and a sign of life
I have loved
I have been loved
I have felt what it is to feel something for another human being
Giving yourself to someone, trusting them with your heart sharing with them your thoughts
fears and most importantly your time
I have been at the edge of love

Many times in our lives, we meet people who not only touches us but they heal us
they make life worth living
And the danger is that the same person showing you love today
can turn around and show you hate tomorrow
that's the thing about love, strange isn't it

My Washing Machine

Here I am doing my laundry, which is something I have done since I left home for college
And the other day I washed my clothes, I had alot of shirts as I washed them I somehow ended up hurting my fingers. My hands were feeling numb, more like I had just done hard labour and yes I didn't like the feeling . I then thought to myself I do not want to do this again which led me to my washing machine.

So I went to the shops got myself a washing machine, even though it was abit expensive and prior to that fateful day when I washed my clothes I have never thought of buying one , I always preferred hand washing it by myself or hire someone to do it for me. Ok so back to the washing machine, I took the machine home and I hadn't done my laundry for about a full month so my laundry was piling up . I unboxed it and got ready to wash so since it was my first time using this particular model I read the instruction and yes the whole manual, I had some time on my hands.
I followed the instructions which led me to my first wash

Firstly I had to buy an extension cord, Secondly buy washing machine powder, Third had to pay someone to deliver it to my place and got ready for laundry, I just put my clothes in the machine and off it went I loved it. So one might ask why write about such a normal chore well here is what I learned from the whole experience( besides not needed a wife anymore hahaha) .My electricity bill went up . I had to buy specific washing powder to use only for the machine and not counting all the other little expenses that comes with this new convenience of mine. No one tells you about the after effects of it all, all the additional expenses that comes with the purchase and the new costs I now have because of the machine but it has made my life convenient ?

Alexithymia

In all forms of conversation asking someone , how they are doing is such a mundane thing that we do everyday but hardly ever think about it
The normal response would be: I'm fine thanks and how are you ?
I will then say the same by letting them know i'm doing ok!
Then it stands to good reason that we will move on to another subject .
We are so used to it that every now and then we find ourselves greeting people and expecting the same stimulus response
And this time they happen to tell you how they really feel
How stressed, lonely, heartbroken, how much the past few days had drained them, how their relationships are failing, how they struggle to make ends meet and so on
And in such cases you don't have the necessary social skills to accommodate how real and painful the situation just got
I mean what do you say in such cases
How do you respond
They didn't teach us about these type of conversations
So we find ourselves asking people around us about how we should respond
When you tell me the truth about how you really are, you mess up the rules of normal conversation and interaction

We need to find that place inside of us where we can accommodate each other and stop pretending everything is ok when we cry ourselves to sleep every night but we have so many friends and chat buddies( in our lingo followers ) .So I urge you next time someone ask you how you are for once just be real and tell them how you really feel and see them open up to you. We are all broken in one form or another, we can heal each other and find comfort in each others arms.

Conversations with death.....

Jefe: I would urge you to see the truth of the situation you're in, Counselor. That is my advice. It is not for me to tell you what you should have done or not done. The world in which you seek to undo the mistakes that you made is different from the world where the mistakes were made. You are now at the crossing. And you want to choose, but there is no choosing there. There's only accepting. The choosing was done a long time ago... Are you there Counselor?

Counselor: [distraught] Yes.

Jefe: I don't mean to offend you, but reflective men often find themselves at a place removed from the realities of life. In any case, we should all prepare a place where we can accommodate all the tragedies that sooner or later will come to our lives. But this is an economy few people care to practice.

Counselor: Will you help me?

Jefe: Machado would have traded every word, every poem, every verse he ever wrote for one more hour with his beloved. And that is because when it comes to grief, the normal rules of exchange do not apply, because grief transcends value. A man would give entire nations to lift grief off his heart. And yet, you cannot buy anything with grief, because grief is worthless.

Counselor: Why are you telling me this?

Jefe: Because you continue to deny the reality of the world you're in. Do you love your wife so much, so completely, that you would exchange places with her upon the wheel? And I don't mean dying, because dying is easy.

Counselor: Yes! Yes, damn you!

Jefe: Well, that is good to hear, Counselor.

Counselor: What are you saying? Are you saying this is a possibility?

Jefe: No. It's impossible.

Counselor: You said I was that man - at that crossing.

Jefe: Yes. At the understanding that life is not going to take you back. You are the world you have created. And when you cease to exist, this world that you have created will also cease to exist. But for those with the understanding that they're living the last days of the world, death acquires a different meaning. The extinction of all reality is a concept no resignation can encompass. And then, all the grand designs and all the grand plans will be finally exposed and revealed for what they are. And now, Counselor, I have to go, because I have to make other calls. If I have time, I think I'll take a small nap.

A lesson in sport.....

Don't get bitter, get better
After we lost a match of soccer those words came running in my mind
we lost not only because of lack of communication , skill , talent
we lost because the opposition was simply better than us
they were faster , more accurate
they created chances and made them count
they played as a unit in a game of  5 aside , every single player is responsible for each and every single role
from being a striker to , defence , middle fied etc
when you separate the roles
you create a space for blame
a space where everyone can look back and say that is not my fault
that is not part of my responsibilities

As I stood in the middle of the ground and looked at how effortless they beat us
they were just gliding in the field
they communicated , they also did something we failed to do they committed
we lost that match as individuals and they won as a team
when in leadership sometimes you miss some few things and when people who are under you remind you of those things don't demote them, listen
just because you're the leader doesn't mean your ideas are always the best
its a team sport and you must be able to take criticism as a captain and swallow your pride and just listen to your team mates

Money makes the world go round in a square world

So a bit of background
when I still stayed at home
creditors used to come by asking for their cash
and my naughty uncle would always make me lie and say he's not around
I used to hate doing it
I remember this one time someone called and he told me to say he wasn't in the house
I laughed so hard coz i'm sitting right next to him, I mean like really hehehe
Long story short from those experiences I hated creditors with a passion
So years later I started working and for a good part of my life I was credit free
Didn't have a debit or an account under my name
This one time I wanted to buy a phone on contract though I could afford it
They couldn't give it to me cos I didn't have a credit history
"A credit history "they said
So there I was on the phone with a consultant who can't give me what I can afford because I don't have " credit history "
This makes no sense at all
So I opened some accounts and they gave me plenty credit
So much that I started getting into debt that I could no longer afford
There I was with so much credit on my name that I didn't even know what to do with it
Every time I had to pay up these accounts felt like a piece of me was dying with every payment I made
Then I decided to pay them all up
Best decision ever but guess what ????
Now that I have payed up all my accounts and no longer have credit on my name
My credit history is in danger , apparently you need to stay active so u can get more credit at a later stage in your life
So if I want to buy a house or something bigger I need this credit
I feel like i'm a joke
The system is a joke , it's designed to keep me in debt inasmuch as I want to get out of it
So here I am buying socks every month end just to keep my account active
So I can have a good credit history
This is messed up I tell you

Motivation to keep going

When you know within yourself that there's something you need to do and I believe everyone of us are born with a purpose
That all of us have something we all suppose to do
And that all of us have some goodness in us
And that goodness gives us the responsibility
to manifest our greatness
Not only is it possible for you to have your dream
It is necessary
It's necessary that you have it
That you work on it
That you develop yourself
That you go for what is yours in the universe
Everyday when you wake up
You better be spending time on your dreams

You don't have time to waste
It is a sense of agency
It's a character of who you are
It's not the tittle that makes you , its not the success that makes you
The character defines the success defines the fame
and it starts right there
The 1 in thousand of hours in the training room
In the labs and the 5am runs
When it's raining and when everyone is sleeping
That's when it's WON!!
The heart of a champion is a light switch
Thats always on , it doesnt go and off when someone is watching its constant
It's how you look at something if your name is attached to it
and you do it right , the best of your ability
Every single time

That if you want something bad enough go out and fight for it
To work day and night for it
To give up your time your peace and your sleep for it
If all that you dream and scheme is about it
And life seems useless and worthless without it
And if you would gladly sweat for it and fight for it
And lose all your terror of the opposition and fight for it
And if you simply go after this thing that you want
With all your Capacity , Strength and Sagacity
Faith Hope and Confidence
and Stern for Tenacity
If neither cold , poverty, sickness or body and brain can keep you away from it
From the thing that you want

And now that's that thing called life
Is that it is always changing
Sometimes you're up sometimes you're down
I can tell you that now be aware of that
Things are not gonna work out exactly right
For a time they will
Sometimes , and that is when life is just playing a game with you
I don't wanna play anymore
I don't care how good you are
I don't care how talented you are
I don't care how much you work on yourself
There are times when things aren't gonna go right
They are just not gonna go right
There are times when anything that can happen will happen
But during those down moments
That's where the growth takes place
That is where the work is
You see anybody can feel good when they have their health
Their bills are paid , they have happy relationships
Anybody could be positive then
Anybody can have a larger vision then
Anybody can have faith under those circumstances
You see but the real challenge
The real challenge of growth
Mentally , Emotionally , Spiritually comes when you get knocked down

A lesson in love

At times without even realising it you find yourself in the same mess you thought you got rid of some time back

Ever woke up in a bed next to someone whom swore you will never have relations with again 

I mean you didn't mean too and it's not like you just tripped and fell in bed with them 

it just happened 

I know this makes no sense at all 

There's no logic to putting yourself in a place to get burned again but you still do it 

You know the results 

You know exactly how its gonna end 

But you still go in 

Hoping for the best in a the worse kinda situation 

Funny thing is when you wake up and it's time to leave that you realise what you just did 

and the other person looks at you with those eyes and you both know what happened wasn't suppose to happen 

But here we are , again 

Me and you in each others arms 

This feels so comfortable and familiar but we both know what is about to happen in the next few minutes 

We both gonna wake up , i'm gonna get dressed and we are not gonna talk again for a couple of months 

You're gonna hate me im gonna hate you , we gonna hate ourselves 

and some time months later 

you just couldn't help but say "Hi" to me 

and I made the biggest mistake by responding

Here we are again 

Months later in each others arms , again 

It's been said insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results 

But this is not mathematics our hearts don't calculate with the same equation 

When a heart breaks it doesn't break even 

When all hope is gone in each other but yet still months down the road 

It's gonna start all over with a " Hi "

I choose to believe

Faced with the truth
Obligated to turn from your ways
A new day has dawned
A new smile has risen
The old has been buried
The future as bright as you wish it to be
The fate of your heart in your hands
Do you move forward or stop in your tracks and look for signs that will tell you to make the plunge and hope for the best
Do you give it your all again and pray it goes right this time
Do you give yourself a chance at the new and see what it has to offer
Or do you prefer the familiar
The, been there done that kinda ways
I have always believed
Even though I have burnt my fingers time and time again
I choose to believe
I don't really have a fancy life nor many things to look forward too
But i'm prepared to wait for it  
Even now that I know how it ends
I can't help myself
So I choose to believe in you
All I need is your best and nothing less
So will I give to you
All I need is your all
And mine you shall have
I don't know you yet
I don't know if I have met you yet
I don't know if your waiting for me
I don't know if you will recognize me when you see me
I don't know much at all
All I know is that I choose to believe in you
I only hope you choose to believe in me as well

Human nature

It has come to my attention that if you have person in your life who can makes you happy they can make you sad
Make you smile they can make you mad
Make you laugh they can make you cry
Make you high they can make you low
But the point here is that it is the reality of human nature
It is how we have been conditioned
We were not born this way
Coming to think of it , look at this scenario : If you were born in a christian household chances are you would be christian and you would have christian values and so forth .
If you were born in an islamic household you would be islamic and also in this case you would hold islamic values , the same could be said to a roman catholic , muslim child etc .

I find it strange that we cannot decide these things for ourselves just like if you were born next door you would have had all those toys and went to all those holidays but because the coin fell and left you with the parents you have , your stuck I mean just imagine if you were born next door all those things would have been yours and all the experiences that the neighbour child has would have been yours right ?

Well I think not , every child is born with a specific purpose and non can compare to each other
the most difficult thing in life is acceptance of who and what you are
If you cannot accept who you are and your family structure you are doomed to in most cases repeat the same mistakes as your parents made with you
Every morning when we wake up we have a chance to not only accept where and what we are but we can change it but I repeat the most important step is acceptance , trying to be like everyone else will be you're down fall in life
Only try to excel better than the person you were yesterday

“What I am really saying is that you don’t need to do anything, because if you see yourself in the correct way, you are all as much extraordinary phenomenon of nature as trees, clouds, the patterns in running water, the flickering of fire, the arrangement of the stars, and the form of a galaxy. You are all just like that, and there is nothing wrong with you at all.”
― Alan Watts

You will smile again

I want you to smile at yourself because you are beautiful
And don't let anybody I mean no opinion tell you any different
The thing I learned about life is that most people are going to see your flaws
And not your beauty , it's sad but true
Your going to be perfect to most but you will always be perfect for the heart God has for you
You have to understand that there is going to be somebody , somewhere at sometime thats is going to find something wrong with you
But the something wrong that they find is nothing but right for the heart that is meant to love you
You might be too outgoing or shy in their eyes but you know what , you have the perfect personality for the heart that is meant to love you
The first step to being unhappy in life, I learned this a long time ago is trying to please everybody
People are different they have different tastes
But never let those differences make you insecure about who you are
I want you to stop spending so much time in the mirror judging yourself, critiquing , bashing and I want you to start spending the rest of your life appreciating and loving yourself
You're beautiful because God says so
And that's all the confirmation that you need
I said this before and i will say it again, there will always be something wrong with you that is not right to a person who is not right for you
Your flaws are perfect for the heart that is meant to love you
Find someone who accept you for you
I want you to stay beautiful and I want you to keep practising that smile it all starts with you

Heat from the fire

when firefighters come to a burning house they come to put out the fire
but as a people we feel the heat from the fire
one can even say heat is the perfect personification of fire
so what burns you is not the fire , it is the heat .
but when the firefighters come they come to put out the fire and not the heat
you see without the fire there is no heat and you can't put out the heat without putting out the fire ?

when we are in battles in our lives just exactly who are we fighting against
have we established who the enemy is , your greatest enemy will hide in a place where you least expected
yes I'm talking about the battle field it is in the mind that we win or lose our battles in life
think of all the times you once started a project and how far you came to finishing it
you see we are our own greatest enemies
and most importantly we need to put value on the information we have , you see its not that most of us don't know how to save or lose weight or start a new business or whatever it is we want to do
it is in our minds where we win and sadly it is in our minds where we lose
if you have no objectives or a score sheet about the things you wish to do anything you do will seem like you're accomplishing something where else all you are is a busy person
when you have no goals and plans about your life anything that keeps you busy is better than doing nothing
you see it is in your mind where you win
In the fire there is a lot of hard work and sweat ,tears
in the heat success comes
so you see if you simply put out the fire it is near impossible to enjoy the heat

Done with being a nice guy.

Do you know that "NICE" guy
Thats me right there , you know when you're in high school and want to be part of the cool pretty ladies
I mean if you get seen hanging with them then you're sorted
Well that teenage me back then used to work for me , made friends very easily
get me in a room with complete strangers and I had them laughing like we have known each other for a very long time
that guy was cool
I think I took him and never let go because he worked for me but now I feel like his holding me back
I don't wanna be the funny guy girls like anymore
I wanna be in all honesty that other guy who doesn't care much and isn't really the good guy
the nice guy used to work but I feel his time has come to an end
he isn't useful anymore, sure he still gets me friends and is a very interesting guy but his too nice

This is note really me changing who I am
it's just that guy was useful back then and now instead of being useful he is being used
Some girls figured out i'm nice so im that guy they call when they need a favour
and all along I didn't realise I gave them something that most guys get something out of it
I gave them my Attention!!
I mean if they already have my Attention there's no point in them even giving any up
so it's we come hang out with the nice guy, then later we go home to our not so nice guys
This is B'S!!

"All that shit that used to be cool ain’t cool anymore
All the women we were pursuing, now they want more
And they deserve it all, don’t settle for what ain't yours" Andre3000

So I got thinking and I decided that a woman should earn my niceness
I shouldn't just give it away
And from there we establish if we are friends or something more then I know how much to give and when to let you know your taking it too far and go knock somewhere else
A friend of mine once told me : Man use love to get sex and Woman use sex to get love.

7 Steps to reaching your goal

I have this thing where I start and never finish
Seem like I have so many projects going on at the same time that i never even complete either of them
Always waiting in line to try the next big thing , listen to the latest , upgrade to the latest
First it was just my academic life and soon it moved to my job , health , relationships etc
always trying my hands on all the shinny new things that I see , never completing the old stuff
seems I like new , I need to start finishing what I start. which brings me to the point of goals.

Goal : An observable and measurable end result having one or more objectives to be achieved within a more or less fixed timeframe.A goal is a desired result a person or a system envisions, plans and commits to achieve a personal or organizational desired end-point in some sort of assumed development. Many people endeavor to reach goals within a finite time by setting deadlines.

Seven Steps to Reaching Your Goals
Successfully executing any personal strategic plan for change requires that as you develop your plan, you effectively incorporate these seven steps for attaining each and every goal:


1. Express your goal in terms of specific events or behaviors.

For a dream to become a goal, it has to be specifically defined in terms of operations, meaning what will be done. When a goal is broken down into steps, it can be managed and pursued much more directly. "Being happy," for example, is neither an event nor a behavior. When you set out to identify a goal, define what you want in clear and specific terms.

2. Express your goal in terms that can be measured.

How else will you be able to determine your level of progress, or even know when you have successfully arrived where you wanted to be? For instance, how much money do you aspire to make?

3. Assign a timeline to your goal.

Once you have determined precisely what it is you want, you must decide on a timeframe for having it. The deadline you've created fosters a sense of urgency or purpose, which in turn will serve as an important motivator, and prevent inertia or procrastination.

4. Choose a goal you can control.

Unlike dreams, which allow you to fantasize about events over which you have no control, goals have to do with aspects of your existence that you control and can therefore manipulate. In identifying your goal, strive for what you can create, not for what you can't.

5. Plan and program a strategy that will get you to your goal.

Pursuing a goal seriously requires that you realistically assess the obstacles and resources involved, and that you create a strategy for navigating that reality. Willpower is unreliable, fickle fuel because it is based on your emotions. Your environment, your schedule and your accountability must be programmed in such a way that all three support you — long after an emotional high is gone. Life is full of temptations and opportunities to fail. Those temptations and opportunities compete with your more constructive and task-oriented behavior. Without programming, you will find it much harder to stay the course.

6. Define your goal in terms of steps.

Major life changes don't just happen; they happen one step at a time. Steady progress, through well-chosen, realistic, interval steps, produces results in the end. Know what those steps are before you set out.

7. Create accountability for your progress toward your goal.

Without accountability, people are apt to con themselves. If you know precisely what you want, when you want it — and there are real consequences for not doing the assigned work — you are much more likely to continue in your pursuit of your goal. Find someone in your circle of family or friends to whom you can be accountable. Make periodic reports on your progress.

source : http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/45

I will survive .

At first I was afraid I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
Thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
And now you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me
Go on now, go walk out the door
Just turn around now
'Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Do you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh no, not I. I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give and I'll survive
I will survive,
I will survive! Hey, Hey!

It took all strength I had not to fall apart
Kept trying' hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself, I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me, somebody new
I'm not that chained up little girl who's still in love with you
And so you felt like dropping in
And just expect me to be free
Now I'm saving all my lovin' for someone who's loving me
Go on now, go walk out the door
Just turn around now
'Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to crush me with goodbye
Do you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh no, not I. I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give and I'll survive
I will survive, Oh

Go on now, go walk out the door
Just turn around now
'Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to crush me with goodbye
Do you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no, not I. I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give and I'll survive
I will survive,
I will survive!

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Kept trying' hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself, I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me, somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person who's still in love with you
And so you felt like dropping in
And just expect me to be free
Now I'm saving all my lovin' for someone who's loving me
Go on now, go walk out the door
Just turn around now
'Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to crush me with goodbye
Do you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh no, not I. I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give and I will survive
I I I WILL survive

(fading ending:)

Go on now, go walk out the door
Just turn around now
'Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to crush me with goodbye
Do you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

What is stress : (

Stress is a normal physical response to experiences that make you feel somewhat threatened or upset your balance in a way. When you sense danger—whether it’s real or imagined—the body's defenses kick into high gear in a rapid, automatic process known as the “fight-or-flight-or-freeze” reaction, or the stress response.

The stress response is the body’s way of protecting you. When working properly, it helps you stay focused, energetic, and alert. In emergency situations, stress can save your life—giving you extra strength to defend yourself, for example, or spurring you to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident.

The stress response also helps you rise to meet challenges. Stress is what keeps you on your toes during a presentation at work, sharpens your concentration when you’re attempting the game-winning free throw, or drives you to study for an exam when you'd rather be watching TV.
But beyond a certain point, stress stops being helpful and starts causing major damage to your health, your mood, your productivity, your relationships, and your quality of life.

How does one go about responding to it.
It's important to learn how to recognize when your stress levels are out of control. The most dangerous thing about stress is how easily it can creep up on you. You get used to it. It starts to feel familiar, even normal. You don't notice how much it's affecting you, even as it takes a heavy toll.

The signs and symptoms of stress overload can be almost anything. Stress affects the mind, body, and behavior in many ways, and everyone experiences stress differently. Not only can overwhelming stress lead to serious mental and physical health problems, it can also take a toll on your relationships at home, work, and school.

For the drivers out there here is a driving analogy by Psychologist Connie Lillas describing how people respond when overwhelmed by stress
belows are the 3 most common

• Foot on the gas – An angry, agitated, or “fight” stress response. You’re heated, keyed up, overly emotional, and unable to sit still.
• Foot on the brake – A withdrawn, depressed, or “flight” stress response. You shut down, pull away, space out, and show very little energy or emotion.
• Foot on both – A tense or “freeze” stress response. You become frozen under pressure and can’t do anything. You look paralyzed, but under the surface you’re extremely agitated.

Now here is a story to sum up it all up. Take some time reading the story below and absorb it .

"Boss, our dog, sat looking up the tree; ears cocked, and tail tensely wagging. He
was attending to a monkey. Just one thing filled his consciousness: the monkey. No
thought disturbed his total concentration, no worry for tomorrow. Boss was the
nearest thing to Contemplation I have ever seen.
You may have experienced some of this yourself when you were totally absorbed
watching a dog at play.
Here is a formula for Contemplation, as good as any 1 know: Be totally in the present.
Drop every thought of the future, drop every thought of the past, drop every image and
abstraction, and come into the present. Contemplation will arise!
After years of training, the disciple begged his Master to bring him to Enlightenment.
The Master led him to a bamboo grove and said, “See that bamboo, how tall it is ?
See that other one there, how short it is?”
And the disciple was enlightened. "

A testament on life.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll
ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.

Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

Remember me

You once made them smile but now they don't remember
You once gave them hope
Fed them
Shared you last drop of water when they were about to die of thirst
They called you the best
Drew pictures of you
Called you great names
Made you a super star
Gave you the world
Changed the rules to suit you
Made you feel like a superhero
Gave you accolades

Now you stand accused
In the midst of the whole world
The same person who called you a hero now wants to prosecute you
The once who gave you fame now bring you shame
The people who sang for you now swear at you
The very same people who loved you now hate you

We as human are very dysfunctional and our feelings can change at any moment without hesitation
It's sad to know that what once brought joy to you can also fill you up with hatred and regret
We are hypocrites and very judgemental
We only hold favour to those who hold favour for us
We are but a candle light
Let us light up each other lives before the wind comes and blows us away
There cannot be so much hate , we are made from love
Hatred is the most unnatural thing for us to do
We are better than this

The 80:20 Rule

In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT 

in your relationship. There is always another person (man or women) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking 

in your relationship that you WANT. And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship.

But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better 

with the other 20% that you WANT. But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing

 the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.

Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life.

As I read the rule , I thought of a question a friend of mine asked.

Why do we go back to our Ex's ? 

On my side I would say that it's about comparisons 

It's not that your present partner does give you what you want , it's just that we as human beings are for lack of a better word : Selfish 

I mean you have a good 80 % or do you ?

I personally believe when we are in a committed relationship , we should give up the 20% as well 

Who are u holding it back for , so unconsciously do we want our relationships to fail so we have a reason to go back to our 20% 

Do we really give it our best or we hold back a part for when things don't go our way 

I say have no back-ups in your head/mind/heart/phone 

Give it all you got , everything you have 

Let's learn to go all out and give it our best , make the relationship you're in the best one yet , the best one you will ever have 

don't even think of a heartbreak or anything negative 

Focus all your attention on making your current partner happy 

let them be the centre of your universe , let them be the one in your life and no one else 

Don't get me wrong , don't go neglecting your friends and family 

what I mean is the person you're dating should be the person you're dating 

don't be holding back and thinking what if , let's be honest there will always be some one hotter , smarter , richer , funnier etc

but if you build your world around the person you say you're in relations with and just give it your all

that's it 

 don't be thinking of the other 20% , let the person your with be 80 % and 20 % 

but it requires communication , never assume the other person is on the same page as you with sex , finances , family planning etc

talk and ask questions , learn the person your with 

lets stop giving up on each other 

Dedicated to my girlfriend , babe your my 100% .

The Frog.

Scientists tested a frog. They cut it's legs off and they said "jump!" The frog didn't jump.
Scientist therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.

For me its about measurement . If you grade a fish on its ability to clime a tree, it will always come short. just like if you compare your life
with other people you will always come up short and feel like life isn't fair , but if you count your blessing one by one you will surely see how far you've gone and just how blessed and gifted you are.
The day I stopped comparing myself to my friends was the day I started being happy , lets
choose to let their accomplishment inspire us than make me jealous . In other words I am better of now than I was a year ago but if I use the wrong
measuring tool I will always come up  short

I know the world is full of hate and anger , jealousy and a whole lot of things
We need to accept who and what we are as human beings in order for us to move on with our lives
Its difficult to want good things or share your bread with your neighbour when your also hungry
When we can't stop judging our selve how do we think we will be able to accept others
I truly believe life can be such a joyful thing to experience
You dont chase out the darkness you simply put in light , so much light that the darkness simply removes itself
We are more than able to achieve these goals
Don't you just simply wish sometimes you could change the way people think and be just like you
But what would be the point of all of that
We are individuals and we should embrace that fact
Lets kill each other with happiness, joy, laughter, songs, hugs, kisses, friendship
Lets give each other so much positiveness that there is no space for any negativeness
Lets learn to un-hate and love

"When your cup is full stop pouring" Unknown

When.....

when you see your life passing you by
when feeling like you haven't achieved anything
when everyone around you seem to be moving forward and your slowly moving backwards
when all your plans don't make it off the ground
when your rights become wrong
when everything you know disappears
when tomorrow looks too far gone
when next week brings you more depression before it even arrives
when the music stops playing
when your surrounded by people and feel alone in a crowd
when waking up takes more out of you than anything else
when your scared and frustrated
when all the promises people make don't come to pass
when you have no one to call and your phone book is full of people
when your hungry and thirsty
when no one wants to sit with you
when no one invites you to their parties
when strangers greet you to only ask for time and move on
when the streets are full of lights and your room is dark
when you travel and never arrive
when theres nothing in your wallet but old receipts
when your afraid of answering private calls
when your in church and feel like part of the furniture

At this point I am suppose to say something motivating but honestly I got nothing for you
Wish I had a formula I could give you
Maybe 10 tips or 7 steps
But I don't

Best advice I can give you is to continue waking up every morning and do your best .
Just do the best you can do .

To my Muse

You cant really catch it 

Or hold it with both arms 

But you can feel it 

You know its all over you 

It makes waking up in the morning much easy and bearable 

It gives you hope 

It makes you feel like you can fly

When I first met you it didn't feel like we were strangers 

We sat up talking all night like old friends 

Honestly I don't remember what you were wearing 

I don't remember your shoes

I remember you

I remember our conversation 

I remember how I felt when I was sitting next to you

I remember your smile 

I remember the way you looked at me , like no woman has ever done before 

I remember the way you made me laugh

I remember you, all of you, I remember us 

I remember we were not talking but connecting 

I remember your scent 

I remember you

Once in a while you meet someone 

With no expectations or reservations you open yourself to any possibility

You take a chance and say 'hi' one more time 

Call it magic

As I hold you in my arms 

I am your soldier , if anyone ever even took your smile away I would go to war 

I am singing it out loud , I am singing it in your heart

I want more

I want more 

More 

More 

I can't help it more is good right ?

I want a bigger TV , bed , a bigger place to stay ?

I want more 

We never take time to be thankful for what we have . 

I have some jeans I bought some months back , never used them and on the weekend I bought a few more. 

It only occurred to be late on Sunday what I had done .

So here I am looking at my latest pair of jeans and I happen to glance at the other pair I had bought earlier on. Like why would I do such a thing 

I mean I have enough jeans to start with , why would I go and buy more jeans 

On average I usually have 2 favorite jeans that I wear on the regular in any given season 

But why would I go buy more jeans when I already have enough jeans in the first place 

I am a very curious person so I read a lot of international news especially around Africa . 

So today I read a story of a woman who wanted to commit suicide by burning herself , likely she survived and when asked why she would commit such a horrible thing by her husband of 24 years, she said : she had seen enough and couldn't take it any more . The soldiers have burned her heart , they took away her hope and seeing her children suffer because she couldn't feed them killed her spirit she was no longer alive .

And here I am buying a pair of jeans , jeans that I will most probably never wear or notice are around 

I am sad , the story broke my heart 

We want more , more all the time and yet if we counted our blessing one by one we will surely agree to the fact that we have more that enough and we don't need any more pair of jeans 

Lets stop buying jeans

The truth died

Nasruddin was in a philosophical frame of mind: “Life and Death—who can say what
they are?” His wife looked up from her cooking and said, “You men ore all alike—
unpractical. Anyone can fell that when o man’s extremities are rigid and cold, he is
dead.”
Nasruddin was impressed by his wife’s efficient wisdom. One day he was out in the
snow when his hands and feet went numb. “I must be dead,” he thought. Then came a
further thought: “If I am dead, what am I doing walking about? I should be lying down
like a normal corpse.” Which is exactly what he did.
An hour later, a group of traveller’s, finding him by the roadside; fell to arguing
among themselves about whether he was dead or alive. Nasruddin yearned to cry out,
“Fools, can’t you see my extremities are rigid and cold?” But he knew better than to say
that, for corpses do not talk.
They finally concluded he was dead and put him on their shoulders to take him to the
cemetery. They hadn't gone a mile when they came to a forking of the ways. A fresh
dispute arose as to which road led to the burial ground. Nasruddin put up with this till he
could take it no longer. Then he sat up and said: “Excuse me, gentleman, but the road to
the cemetery is the one to your left. I know that corpses do not speak, but I have broken
the rule this once and I assure you it will not happen again.”

When Reality clashes with a rigidly held belief, Reality is generally the loser.

Hunger makes a man angry

Whenever i'm broke, that's when i'm most in a sad place
I laugh less , I am less creative , I close myself up
It feels like the strangest thing , like I have seen my face before
It is said : Situations don't make a man, they reveal a man
I have felt the warmth of a woman breast , I have had enough to eat
I have been at my highest high, sinked to my lowest low
Looked left and right also been caught in the middle
Choose love over lust , seen the stars at night

When the Zen Master attained Enlightenment he wrote the following lines to celebrate
it:
“Oh wondrous marvel:
I chop wood!
I draw water from the well!”
After enlightenment nothing really changes. The tree is still a tree; people are just
what they were before; and so are you. You may continue to be as moody or event tempered,
as wise or foolish. The one difference is that you see things with a different
eye. You are more detached from it all now. And your heart is full of wonder.
That is the essence of Contemplation: the Sense of Wonder.
Contemplation is different from ecstasy in that ecstasy leads to withdrawal. The
enlightened contemplative continues to chop wood and draw water from the well.
Contemplation is different from the perception of beauty in that the perception of beauty
(a painting or a sunset) produces aesthetic delight, whereas contemplation produces
wonder—no matter what it observes, a sunset or a stone.
This is the prerogative of children. They are often in a state of wonder. So they easily
slip into the Kingdom.

Label Makers

Life is like heady wine.
Everyone reads the label on the bottle.
Hardly anyone tastes the wine.
Buddha once pointed to a flower and asked each of his disciples to say something
about it.
One pronounced a lecture.
Another a poem.
Yet another a parable.
Each outdid the other in depth and erudition.
Label-makers!
Mahakashyap smiled and held his tongue.
Only he had seen the flower.
If I could only taste a bird,
a flower,
a tree,
a human face!
But, alas, I have no time.
My energy is spent deciphering the label.

The other day I met this guy and for a moment I almost had my reservations for why he was in a place as I was in , it was a classy restaurant
Honestly he didn't belong there , I made my judgement by the way he was wearing
later on I was introduced to him and he was the owner of the place
Thank goodness when we first met I greeted him and didn't brush him off
Ever had an awkward moment, meeting someone who you class as beneath you only to find out later their stand in society is much higher than yours and you need a favor from them
It happens I guess

Here is my point don't even reserve your judgments just have non
When you get a chance to meet someone just be in the moment
Acceptance is key
Lets learn to adhere to each other and just be.

Did you hear the bird sing ?

Hindu India developed a magnificent image to describe God’s relationship with
Creation. God ‘dances’ Creation. He is the Dancer, Creation is his Dance.
The dance is different from the dancer, yet it has no existence apart from him.
You cannot take it home in a box, if it pleases you. The moment the dancer stops, the dance ceases to be.
In our quest for God, we think too much, reflect too much, talk too much.
Even when we look at this dance that we call creation, we are the whole time thinking, talking {to
ourselves and others) reflecting, analyzing, philosophizing.
 Words. Noise.
Be silent and contemplate the Dance. Just look: a star, a flower, a fading leaf, a bird, a
stone... any fragment of the Dance will do. Look. Listen. Smell. Touch. Taste. And,
hopefully, it won’t be long before you see Him—the Dancer Himself!
The disciple was always complaining to his Master,
“You are hiding the final secret of Zen from me.” And he would not accept the
Master’s denials.
One day they were walking in the hills when they heard a bird sing.
“Did you hear that bird sing?” said the Master.
“Yes,” said the disciple.
“Well, now you know that I have hidden nothing from you.”
“Yes.”
If you really heard a bird sing, if you really saw a tree... you would know. Beyond
words and concepts.
What was that you said? You have heard dozens of birds sing and seen hundreds of
trees? Ah, was it the tree you saw or the label? If you look at a tree and see a tree, you
have really not seen the tree. When you look at the tree and see a miracle—then, at last,
you have seen! Did your heart never fill with wordless wonder when you heard a bird in Song.

For a thought
More for your moment
With you
Within you
Hold on
Don't turn it off
Its all but a matter of time
Before we cross the line

Happiness

You make me happy 

You are may happiness 

Imagine hearing those words from someone you like , love  

Think of all that responsibility . In essence you are their happiness 

Without you they see no life or joy , your their beginning and end

I think that is just too much to expect from a human being such as your self 

So if someone is your happiness , what happens when are no longer in your life 

You are now unhappy ? 

And you will find someone else to make you happy again: that's the story of our lives

  

We are always looking for the next fix , relationship etc 

I bet some people can't even remember the last time they were single 

We have this want to always have some sort of connection with someone , anyone will do 

We have all dated someone just as to be not alone at least once. 

Nobody likes being alone , but if that person is your happiness  

Then without them your happiness doesn't exist 

That's not a world i wanna live in 

I am happy with you in my life

You are not my happiness 

Yes i enjoy your company , a part of you makes my life worth living 

When your here I am happy , when your gone I am still happy

In the still of the night 

You are my light

Come with me here

We can always meet there

Even in the dark

I take shelter in your ark

Say no more 

In you I see more

As the winds pass over 

Don't tell me it's over 

Our journey has just begun

Just promise not to run

The surprise in your eyes

As I kiss you goodnight as my prize